Barney's Blog

Don't get me started!

Evening all, Barney here.

During the week, I was in my field and I overheard a human (who shall remain nameless) refer to us horses as “dumb animals”. Bloody cheek!

Well, let me tell you that humans are the most gullible creatures I’ve ever come across.

Take my 'antics' in the starting stalls for example. During my illustrious racing career (nine wins), I had a bit of a reputation for being naughty in the stalls.

That nice Carole human always had to take me down to the start to “keep me calm” and they had another human – some fella called Gary Witheford – come to the yard to try to sort me out.

They ended up with a routine which involved sticking what’s called a “controlling head collar” on me, as well as a “loading rug”.

The loading rug was invented by yet another human, called Monty Roberts. It’s designed to stop horses that are a bit claustrophobic from panicking when they feel the sides of the stalls on their flanks.

They also used to give me earplugs to stop me getting “spooked”, then take them out again once I was in the stalls, and chuck them back at Carole. It was a right bloody carry on.

What none of these dumb humans realised is that I was taking the mickey. I actually couldn’t give a toss about going in the stalls – I was just having a laugh at their expense.

I used to enjoy reversing out of the stalls to make them worry that I might kick the other horses waiting their turn. Honestly, it was hilarious watching the faces on the humans – especially the starter. He used to get right wound up!”

There was one time at Goodwood when I decided to put on a real show at the stalls. I started bucking, trying to get rid of a human called Phil Makin. If I’m completely honest, it backfired a bit because I got myself into such a tizz that I somehow bucked myself right into the stalls and they shut the gate before I knew what had happened.

I was so bloody angry, I had a bite at Gary Witheford. I can tell you this for nothing – his arm tastes nowhere near as nice as Polos.

Having said all that, there are some horses that aren’t as clever as me who really do get claustrophobic. Dakota Gold, for example. He was a right bugger at the stalls when he was a young ‘un. The Carole human had to always accompany him to the start as well.

The thing about Dakota – or Goldy as I call him – is that he just wants to get on with it and race. He can’t be arsed with all the hanging about in such a confined space.

He also hates the blindfold. Well, wouldn’t you? Let me put it in perspective for you humans: imagine a gang of blokes shoving a sack over your head, grabbing you by the buttocks, and shoving you into one of those cramped toilets on a train. Well, that's what it's like!

I remember once, at Ripon, Goldy managed to wriggle out from under the stalls. That meant he wasn’t allowed to race again until he’d passed two stalls tests. After that, you’re allowed to go into the stalls last – and that seems to have done the trick. He goes in like a lamb these days, as long as Carole's there. 

Old Billy No Mates is another one who doesn’t like the stalls, and has to have special handling. Some horses are just like that but, with me, it really was just a case of showing off.

Don’t tell the Carole human, though, eh?

TALKING of showing off, we’ve got a yard manager called Steve Alderson, who’s always bloody whistling.

If he hears a song on the radio – no matter how crap it is – he’ll be whistling it all day long. I wouldn’t care so much, but he’s tone deaf. You can hear the bugger coming by his whistling. He’s like a broken kettle, and I'm thinking about putting in a formal complaint.

Either someone shoves a nice thick hood over his head or I’ll ask the Carole human if I can have my earplugs back.

AS regular readers will know, I like this blog to be educational. I want you to learn something every time.

Therefore, you might like to know a bit about the history of starting stalls.The inventor of the electronically-operated starting stalls was a trainer and starter from Texas, called Clay Puett. He took out a patent on his v-shaped door design in 1939 and, by 1941, his innovation was in place at the Kentucky Derby.

For some bizarre reason, it wasn’t until 1965 before the Jockey Club finally got round to introducing starting stalls at UK flat races, and they became standard at the Epsom Derby in 1967, won by Royal Palace (pictured below with owner Jim Joel), ridden by George Moore and trained by Noel Murless.

FINALLY for this week, a big well done to Madreselva and Twist of Hay for scoring a quick-fire double at Redcar last week.

Twist of Hay’s mum, Spinatrix, was an old friend of mine, here at Denton Hall. Really good mare she was, as well, winning 10 races and being placed 19 times in 44 runs. That’s what you call consistency.

I love it when I see the offspring of my old stablemates coming through and doing well. Twisty, as I call her, had been off for a while having a wind operation, which seems to have done her the world of good.

Here's hoping Twisty (pictured below) wins a few more now. Come to think of it, there's one or two humans round here who could do with their wind sorting out.

Well done also to Aliento who won at Catterick the other day. Like Twisty, she's owned by the Knox family, who have been great supporters of the yard, so it's nice to see them having a good week. Lovely people.

Anyway, folks, I need to go and bury my head in some straw now. I can hear whistling, which means you know who's coming. Where’s my bloody ear-plugs?