Barney's Blog

Good luck to the first-timers

Hello everyone, Barney McGrew here – a true superstar who’s never been known to slap a fellow celebrity. I’ll tell you what – if that bloody Will Smith human had done that to me with millions watching, I’d have bitten him on the arse...

Anyway, never mind all that Hollwood rubbish, this is just a quick update to wish a couple Denton Hallers well ahead of them running for the first time. It’s always a bit nerve-wracking when you make your debut – I remember mine like it was yesterday.

I was three years old at the time and being trained down in Newmarket by a human called James Toller. They took me to Lingfield to be ridden by a human called George Baker and I remember getting a bump before finishing 7th. It wasn’t until 2008 that I got moved to Denton Hall. I much preferred it up north and I’ve been here ever since.

Nowadays, I’m retired but I always like to see the young ‘uns starting out in their careers. Tomorrow, there’s a lovely filly called Capofan – or Fanny as I like to call her – having her first run at Redcar. Her dad’s called Gutaifan and her mum’s called Capomento, so you can see how they came to the name! She runs in the colours of the Denton Hall racing syndicate and I’ve given her a pep talk to help her relax. That's her below - pretty, isn't she?.

Then, we’ve got a nice three-year-old colt called Chiellini running for the first time at Pontefract on Tuesday. He’s by Aclaim out of Onomatomania and his name might bring back painful memories for England football fans because the Georgio Chiellini human was the smug captain of the Italy team who beat the Three Lions in the final of Euro 2020.

What a bloody shame that Italy didn’t qualify for this year’s World Cup though, eh?

Anyway, let’s put football rivalries to one side and wish Chiellini a good first run on Tuesday. (That's him below, leading Brunchy on the gallops recently)

ON the subject of Redcar tomorrow, I couldn’t help noticing there’s a race called the Happy Big Birthday Peter Barron Novice Stakes.

In case you didn’t realise, Peter Barron is the human who supposedly helps me with this blog (although I know a lot more about writing than he ever will).

It’s a bloody disgrace that I’ve never had a race named after me and yet non-entities like him get one. If they were going to name a race after him, I reckon it should have been restricted to old grey geldings carrying a bit of overweight.

ONTO other matters…I have to say everyone gets on pretty well round here but there was a right old barney the other day. It flared up between the Gaffer and the veterinary – that Phil Cramp human.

I’d put my back out having a roll in the field and was feeling a bit stiff, so the Gaffer called in the vet to check me over in my box.

Crampy – as I like to call him – took one look at me and said: “It’s arthritis.” He then promptly announced it would cost £1,000 for the emergency call-out and diagnosis.

Well, the Gaffer went berserk. “A grand? You’ve got to be bloody joking!” he yelled. “All you’ve done is look at him – you haven’t even done a proper examination, you cheeky bugger!”

There was steam coming out of the Gaffer’s ears and Crampy walked out of my stable.

The next thing I know, he comes back with Ollie, the Labrador, and told him to come over and sniff me. Ollie circled round me, giving every inch of me a good sniff, before nodding at Crampy.

Then, a bloody ginger moggy comes in, jumps up on my back and walks up and down my spine before turning towards Crampy and letting out a loud miaow.

Crampy pulls out his calculator and says to the Gaffer: “Just like I thought – it’s definitely arthritis. That’ll be three grand.”

“THREE GRAND!” shouted the Gaffer. “I thought you said it would cost a grand?”

“It was,” replied Crampy. “But that was before the lab report and the cat scan.”

See you soon everyone, lots of love,