Barney's Blog

Open for business

EVENING all, Barney McGrew here again with another devastatingly brilliant blog written with my own fair hoof.

Well, I’m delighted to say that my fantastic idea to launch my own brand of carrot seeds went down a bloody storm at the open day this week.

Just to recap, I went into business with Barney McGrow-Yer-Own carrot seeds as a way of encouraging open day visitors to come and see me, before going away to produce some carrots for me to scoff next year.

We had around 400 humans turn up at Denton Hall on Monday as part of National Racehorse Week. It was a cracking morning, despite the rain, and loads of them went away happy with a packet of seeds.

First over to my field was a human called John Lipton, from Stockton, who was on his first visit to our place. He has a niece, called Helen, who’s a keen gardener, so he was keen to get his hands on some seeds.

“I’ll get her to grow some carrots, and I’ll see you next year, Barney old lad,” he said.

To be honest, I was across the other side of the field, looking over the wall, but I think that’s what the bugger was shouting. If he'd had a nicely-grown carrot or packet of Polos in his hands, I might have trotted over but I couldn't be arsed.

To be honest, looking at his barnet, I'm not too confident about John being able to grow his own, so it's probably best that Helen's got the seeds.

There was a lovely young lass, called Penelope McBain - a right little chestnut - who had a packet of seeds too. She was with her mum and dad, Michael and Sarah, from Sunderland. Lovely humans – mad about their racing.

Dr David Russell, who was a Darlington GP for lots of years, was another to go off with a packet of seeds. It’s his missus who does the garden – he just mows the lawn, trims the bushes, and messes about in his workshop – but he’s promised to bring me some carrots next year.

Still on medical type humans, our vet, the Phil Cramp human, also grabbed a packet of seeds. He’ll have anything going free that fella! I bet he didn't pay for that coffee.

Oh, and we had a visit from a retired racing journalist, called Jan Green, who has a keen eye for us horses. She was getting ready to go off to see a friend in France – a place called Vaison la Romaine – and has promised to plant some seeds on a plot of land over there.

“We’ll eat some, give some to the local community, and bring some back to Denton Hall for Barney,” she said.

Merci, Jan. Bon appetit et a binetot!

IT’S not often you meet a legend but it was really nice that the open day visitors included Gerry Scott, who won the first televised Grand National on Merryman II in 1960.

What a splendid human he is, full of racing tales, and impeccably turned out. Put some of the other scruffy buggers to shame.

Gerry was telling me how he became apprentice to Merryman II’s trainer, Neville Crump, at Middleham in 1954.

Twelve days before winning the National, he suffered a double fracture of a collar-bone and had to lie to the medical panel that he was fine to ride in the great race.

Worse still, he had a terrible accident in a fall from a horse while riding out in Middleham town centre, two days after retiring from racing in 1969.

The horse was startled by a bread van and poor Gerry ended up in a coma for 10 days. He was nearly brown bread himself.

“I wasn’t expected to survive," he said. ‘You won’t see Gerry again,’ my friends were told, but then I woke up and they were all disappointed.”

Gerry went on to become the first former jockey to be appointed as a starter by The Jockey Club.

“They said it wouldn’t work, having an ex-jockey as a starter, but I lasted 30 years, so I can’t have been that bad,” he added.

One of his highlights as a starter was starting the race in which the Princess Anne human won on Gulfland, at Redcar, in 1986.

And he has the distinction of being the only man to win and start a Grand National.

“I told a woman that once and she scratched her head and said: ‘How on earth did you manage that?’ I had to explain it wasn’t the same race!” he recalled.

Talk about dumb humans…

ANOTHER of the open day highlights for me is always watching the humans having a go on the horse simulator.

There was one fella called Chris Peacock, from Middlesbrough, who I reckon was putting up a few pounds overweight.

It would help if you didn’t have your bloody cap over your eyes, Chris! Silly sod.

WHILE the open day was on, I got chatting to the Lauren Mulholland human, who said: “Can I ask you a question, Barney? Why is it Kenny Williams is always the butt of your jokes.”

Kenny was passing at the time and overheard the conversation, so he joined in: “Yeah, why me? I’m not the only daft one round here, you know!”

That’s very true – there’s the Andrew Miller human for a start – so I’ll try to share out the mickey-taking a bit more.

ANYWAY, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Kenny Williams human gets the boot after his latest little episode while driving the horsebox down to York last week.

Apparently, he missed the turn-off before a low bridge and got wedged underneath it. Cars were backed up for miles, and there was all hell let loose.

It wasn’t long before a police car pulled up, and a cop got out. He walked round to the driver’s seat, put his hands on his hips, and started taking notes.

"So, you got stuck, huh?" said the copper, sarcastically.

"No, officer, I was just delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel," replied Kenny.

ANYWAY folks, that’s all from me for now. If you want a packet of carrot seeds, send me your address, and I’ll post them off. Now the open day’s out of the way, the special offer’s closed. They now cost £50 a packet.

Lots of love, Barney.