Barney's Blog

Open secrets

Evening all,

Barney McGrew here - total equine perfection.

Well, what a bloody week! Before I get on to all the winners we've had, let's start by getting last Monday’s Open Day out of the way. I wasn't happy. More than 100 humans came to Denton Hall as part of National Racehorse Week and only two of the buggers brought me carrots.

The rest were too bloody busy having their selfies taken with the likes of Commanche Falls, Dakota Gold, and Gale Force Maya. Makes me vommit!

Only a very nice couple of humans called Geoff and Karen Scott, from Thirsk, showed up with carrots for me. They're members of the Denton Hall Racing syndicate that has Diamond Haze, Blowing Wind and Capofan running in its yellow and black colours. Thank you, Geoff and Karen, it was much appreciated. But can you get the carrots from Sainsbury's next time, rather than Aldi?

As for the rest of you – I hope you're bloody ashamed of yourselves.

THERE was plenty going on at the open day. They had Wor Willie, Dulla Bhatti, and Diamondonthehill going up the gallops. Don't get me wrong – they're nice types – but they'll never have their own blog, will they? That's because they're not legends like me.

Joeyremy (or plain Joey, as I like to call him) had to splash around in the equine spa, while Navy Wren (or Wrenny, as I like to call her) had to strut her stuff on the treadmill. I heard on the grapevine that there was a suggestion from The Gaffer that my Carole should demonstrate the treadmill – on the grounds that she's not been performing up to scratch lately. She told him to bugger off.

They even had the farrier putting shoes on horses. How bloody boring is that? I wouldn't pop down to Freeman Hardy and Willis to watch a human try on a pair of Hush Puppies, would I? Bloody strange things, humans – get a life, for Christ's sake!

TALKING of strange humans, there was one very odd fella who came to the open day, called Nigel Dowson, from a place back of beyond called Cockfield. They reckon he gets paid for cutting other humans' hair at a shop in Darlington. How hard can that be? All he has to do is run a shaver over male human's heads, or slap a bit of dye on the women, then charge them a fortune. It's a right con job if you ask me.

Anyway, he had a go on the horse simulator that they use to teach jockeys to ride better. Well, you should have seen the bloody state of him. He had to be helped on and off and, once he got going, I'm surprised the silly bugger didn't break it. Like a sack of spuds on a trampolione. He'd only been on two minutes and he was sweating more than me when I was waiting to be gelded. Never mind Willie Carson - more Willie Stay On?

"I think I'm a natural, Michael," he shouted across to The Gaffer?

"A natural what?" The Gaffer replied.

That shut him up. I think Connor Beasley's job's safe. 

RIGHT onto more serious matters. On Monday afternoon, The Gaffer went off to Thirsk and was crowned the track's top trainer for this season with 12 winners. That came after Deputy and First Greyed chalked up a double in the last two races of the season.

Nice track, Thirsk. I had my last win at Thirsk on May 9, 2015. They should have put a plaque up.

Now, as you know, I try to make this blog educational, so I'll give you a quirky fact about Thirsk. In 1940, did you know it staged the wartime substitute St Leger, which was won by Gordon Richards on a horse called Turkhan? The prize money for winning was a measly £980. I wouldn't have got out of bed for that!

Oh, by the way, I want to also congratulate the Paul Mulrennan human for being top jockey at Thirsk during the 2022 season. Nice fella, Paul. Lovely hands from what I remember and a real gentleman.

THEN, on Tuesday, we had another double, this time at Redcar. First, we had Bold Territories (or Terry as I like to call him) battling like a tiger to show he's just as good on the turf as the all-weather. That's him below in the winner's enclosure.

That's three on the bounce for Terry now. He had a wind op not so long ago - there's a few humans round here could do with one of those if you ask me.

He was followed into the winner's enclosure by Proclivity (or Livy as I like to call her). What a tough little bugger she is - second at Thirsk on Monday, then blasts them all away the next day at Redcar. Get in there Livy lass.
The only disappointment is I reckon we could well have had a Redcar treble because I was having a chat with Prairie Falcon (or Fally as I like to call him) and he reckons he'd have won if he hadn't got boxed in on the rail. He'd have had to be a bloody falcon to get himself out of it! More of him later in the blog...

ONTO Thursday, and we had A Boy Named Ivy (I just call him Ivy) getting us off the mark at the big Ayr meeting under a cracking ride from the Connor human. I didn't think he was going to make it but Connor hauled him over the line. I've had a few people ask where his name comes from. Aye, it's a bit of a funny one, and I don't know the answer, but I'll try and find out.

A Boy Named Ivy is one of the most striking greys we've had in the yard - reminiscent of Desert Orchid. Did you know that grey horses can be born any base color and then white hairs begin to appear at or shortly after birth and become progressively more prevalent as the horse ages? Greying can occur at different rates - very quickly on one horse and very slowly on another. As adults, most grey horses eventually become completely white. There you go - another bit of education for you.

By the way, has anyone read that Fifty Shades of Grey? Apparently, The Gaffer got a copy for his birthday but he hasn't got round to reading it yet because he's been a bit tied up lately.

THE winners kept flowing on Friday when we had our third double of the week, this time at Ayr. Prairie Falcon made up for his Redcar disappointment (just like I knew he would) and then Gale Force Maya won for the fifth time this season. I honestly think she must be one of the most genuine horses we've ever had at Denton Hall. Bloody brilliant she is. Well done Galey, lass - Barney loves ya.

Saturday was Ayr Gold Cup day and Commanche Falls - or Commy as I like to call him - ran a blinder to be second, giving lumps away to all the others. Commy - I'm bloody proud of you. Woven - or Wovy as I like to call him - was also a gallant second in the Silver Cup. His day will surely come.

FINALLY, back to the strange breed of humans who call themselves hairdressers...Did you hear about the hairdresser who'd just finished styling a posh lady's hair? He held up a mirror to show her what he'd done, and asked: "How's that. Madam?"

"Sorry," the woman replied. "I'm going to need more volume."

So the hairdresser whipped out a megaphone and shouted: "HOW'S THAT, MADAM?"

Til next time folks, I'll have to love you and leave you. Take a lead from Geoff and Karen - send carrots.