Barney's Blog

Sowing the seeds of love

Evening all, as Dixon of Dock Green used to say, although only you old ‘uns will understand that.

Barney McGrew here – the most entrepreneurial horse in the business.

Let me explain why I say that in the context of National Racehorse Week which starts on Saturday. Firstly, l want to make it clear that I’m whole-heartedly in favour of this very worthy initiative. It’s where humans pay due tribute to us racehorses and accept that we’re the stars of the show, and that's quite right.

Well, we're having an open day here at Denton Hall as part of it all, from 10.30am on Monday, but humans have to register first if they want to come.

I have to admit I've been a bit miffed over the past couple of open days we've held last year and the year before because, quite frankly, not enough people have bothered to come to see me. They’re all so starry-eyed with the likes of Commanche Falls, Azure Blue and Dakota Gold that they forget that I’m the real legend. I might be knocking on at 21 but how many horses do you know with their own blog?

Well, I’ve had a cracking idea to put that right this year, and to launch a lucrative business at the same time, which is where my entrepreneurial instincts come into play. I’ve teamed up with a manufacturer to produce my own carrot seeds and I’m going to be giving away packets of them away to those who come and see me at the open day.

I’ve branded them BARNEY McGROW-YER-OWN CARROTS! What do ya think? Clever, eh?

What’s especially brilliant is that I get to give dumb humans an incentive to come and see me – and then get them to grow carrots that they can bring for me at next year’s open day. They have no idea how much I'm manipulating them because they're so stupid!

I reckon there are 30 seeds per packet so, if I give away 20 packets to dumb humans on Monday, I’m in for a bumper harvest of 600 carrots this time next year.

Bloody genius!

I SAW there was a nice feature in the local paper, and on The Gaffer’s website, about the young Rhys Elliott human – our apprentice jockey.

He’s a smashing lad, I think the world of him and he’s doing really well. That’s because he knows the value of coming over to ask my advice on what makes horses run faster.

Anyway, there was a bit in the article about how he’s “not the greatest at getting out of bed in the mornings”.

Well, I can help him there too. Come and sleep in my stable, Rhys, and I’ll hoof you up the arse at 6.30 every morning.

You'll be out of bed like Rhys Lightning!

I HAVE to say well done to Glenfinnan – or Glenny as I like to call him – for winning that big handicap down at Sandown the other day.

If you watch the race back, take a look at how much he pulls Oisin Murphy’s hands off during the race, and gets up close to the line despite not getting a clear run. Mark my words - once that horse learns to settle, there’s a lot more to come from him – but don’t tell the handicapper. It's just between us.

FINALLY, I hear on the grapevine that the Kenny Williams human went shopping for a new pair of shoes last week.

He was trying on a shoe in Charles Clinkards in Darlington and said to the assistant: "It's too tight".

"Try it with the tongue out" she suggested.

“It'th nho ghood, itth thill thoo thight", replied Kenny.

That's all from me folks. See you at the Open Day. Bring carrots. Or Polos. Love,